So our brains are supposed to be fully matured at 25. I've been 26 for a while now and I feel like I can safely say that I know myself as a person. For the most part. The years after college helped me find direction and self-identity. I know what I want now. I feel like for the first 25 years of my life, I've been trying to figure out what I want and now, I know.
These are the things that I want:
1. I want to be a doctor
2. I want to be a better, more productive person
3. I want to get married to Dusty. Hopefully in the next two years (approaching 5 years together here in a few months...I mean...this is ridiculous)
4. I want to move out of Kansas
These are my main goals for the next 2 years. I think they are well within my grasp.
Aside from know what I want, I can also finally recognize my faults and admit them without experiencing crushing self-doubt and insecurity:
1. I have an almost paralyzing fear of disappointing authority figures (ie: Asian parents syndrome)
2. I procrastinate and am likely lazier than most of my classmates. I probably put in about 4-5 hours a day of school/studying to their...8? Must fix this. At least for step 1.
3. I am a good organizer, but I am horrible at staying organized
4. I likely have a mild case of ADD
5. I really like food. I exercise so I can eat.
6. I have a tendency of sticking my foot in my mouth because I am insensitive at times. I just say things. My filter is still growing in.
7. I have self-control problems. (See 2-6)
8. Hmm....all in all, I think I'm a pretty decent person. Definitely still some room to grow, and I think actually having a real life job will help with most of them. Hopefully.
I won't bore you with the multitude of things that I am truly excellent at :p You probably picked up on those already.
On a side long, let's call this blog what it is and just accept that it is a med school blog where I write down my thoughts that no one except for me will read about in the future. And probably be embarrassed by.
Found asianmoviereview.blogspot.com. It actually got quite a bit of activity while I was away! Should have kept it up. I probably could have made some money off of that one. Now I watch no Asian movies :( Well, I did watch Mother, which I really enjoyed. It was hard for me to watch though. Mothers really get to me. How can I put into words this messy, guilt-ridden, angry, hopeful, dependent mess of love I feel for that woman? Maybe this will sum it up. If I had to pick one person I love to live, it would be my mother. If I had to pick one person to live with for the rest of my life, it would be Dusty. I think that sounds right. I'm still feeling kind of iffy about it...but close enough.
I digress. What I am trying to say is, I wrote a good blog that made me reflect on myself as I was 7 years ago (MORE THAN A QUARTER OF MY LIFE). I've changed in my awareness, but not necessarily my deep seated core personality (this sounds like bullshit). You get the idea.
I'm going to go to bed. I feel like I should study more. I'll study more tomorrow. 11 days until next test! Fuuuuuuuck....
